Speaker 1: 0:00

Harmony, that's what shame does. It tells us that we have to keep this burden hidden because people won't understand. So shame says to be quiet, and it keeps us from doing the very thing that we need, which is talking to our friends and our family and being connected to other people. That will often help us feel a little bit better. You know maybe, like we're seen, I'm Brown and I am joined by my co-host, harmony, in this special episode of Shame-Free Sundays. We mentioned Suicide Prevention Awareness Month, which is in September, but you're hearing this episode in July, so why share it now? Because, honestly, these conversations can't wait for a calendar date. Shame and suicidal thoughts often go hand in hand, and it's time we start talking about both openly, honestly and with compassion. We start talking about both openly, honestly and with compassion. So, whether it's July or September or any other month, this message matters. Now just a warning we are going to talk about topics that might be triggering, especially to young audiences, so just please consider that as you continue to listen. Hi, my name is Eleanor Brown Most people know me as Ellie and I am here with Harmony, and this is another episode of Shame-Free Sundays. We are here to talk about a very somber subject today. But before we do, I just want to invite you. If you have not taken my shame quiz, I'm going to drop the link into my show notes so that you can take that shame quiz and it just helps you understand where you are on whether or not you suffer from toxic shame. So Harmony and I are going to talk about something very somber and we're just going to jump right in. I'm, you know, anyway, I can explain away the nerves, but I'm just going to do it right, so just do it scared, all right, harmony. Harmony says I don't know how to say this, but those bad thoughts are back and I wonder if I would be better off just not even being here anymore. Wow, harmony, thank you so much for telling me. I know that can be a really scary thing to say. You know, shame has a way of making us feel like we're invisible, like there's something wrong with us. Yeah, yeah, like I should be stronger. I keep thinking if people knew, they'd think of me differently, but but I don't want to be a burden on my family and friends. Harmony, that's what shame does. It tells us that we have to keep this burden hidden because people won't understand. So shame says to be quiet, and it keeps us from doing the very thing that we need, which is talking to our friends and our family and being connected to other people. That will often help us feel a little bit better. You know, maybe, like we're seen, I get that logically, but it's really hard. How do I know how to start? I feel like I'm weak. I don't want to let people down.

Speaker 1: 3:47

Well, shame has a way of distorting the truth, harmony. It has a way of making us believe that we're alone in our suffering. But but, harmony, you are far from weak. The fact that you're here, opening up in front of all of these people, you know that shows courage. So, harmony, I just want you to know that you are a tremendous person, that you have tremendous strength and value and you're not a burden.

Speaker 1: 4:21

Then why does it feel so heavy? And what if people think I'm just making this all up just to get attention? Oh, harmony, I hear you and the truth is not everyone will believe you. Not everyone will understand what it's like to be going through the things that you're going through and to have these feelings and these whispers that are telling you that you're not good enough. But, harmony, there will be people out there that will believe you and that they won't think you're being dramatic and that they'll want to help you. But really, honestly, at the end of the day it's how do you feel? Are you? Do you feel? Do you want to fight for your survival? You know, harmony, we often sometimes do things to please other people when really it's about standing up and having strength for yourself, because if you can choose you, then other people will want to choose you too. Okay, I think I'll give it a try. I think I'll talk to my friends and see if they can at least hold my hand.

Speaker 1: 5:52

Harmony, I think that's a really good idea. You know, talking to someone really helps you understand that you're not alone and to not suffer in silence. You know, shame tells you that you're bad, but the truth is you aren't bad. Sometimes we do things that aren't too kosher. They can cause us to have feelings of guilt, but that feeling that I'm bad, that doesn't come from the guilt from doing something wrong. That comes from you feeling like you're wrong, but you're not wrong. Harmony, feeling like you're wrong but you're not wrong, harmony. How many of you have ever felt like, at the end of the day here, harmony, pay attention to them. How many of y'all have ever felt like, at the end of the day, it's just that I am, you know I'm the bad thing, I'm the wrong thing, that it's not about other people, it's really. It's you know, it's me. And that feeling of shame just can really keep us bound up.

Speaker 1: 6:57

And I wanted to talk about how the link between shame, feelings of hopelessness, and how that can lead us to having, how that can lead us to having just like Harmony showed feelings of suicidality, suicidal thoughts. Often that's just I just don't want to be here anymore. I have clients that come through my door that suffer with these kind of feelings. You know, as a licensed professional counselor, we see that in our office often, but there are people that will never walk through the doors of a licensed professional counselor. I mean for me personally, why am I talking about this? So this is September, is Suicide Awareness Month, and I just felt like this was a really important topic and this is near and dear to my heart. I've lost two very close members of my family to suicide. Neither one of them went to counseling. I'm not saying counseling is the only answer. I'm just saying it is a answer.

Speaker 1: 7:58

So you know if you're feeling suicidal or you know someone that is, please, please, please call 988. That is a new direct line for a suicide hotline or text. I believe you can text 988 and I will check and I'll make sure that that information is in the show notes too. But get help, don't, don't, don't, don't. I don't care where you get the help from, whether it's from me, from another provider, from a book you know, from your friends, your family, from your source. For me, my source is God, and that may or may not be your source, but wherever you get help, just, please get help. Don't stay silent, because secrecy is what shame needs to grow.

Speaker 1: 8:54

So very somber topic. I know we're just a few seconds over. Last week I went way over, so I feel like at we're just a few seconds over. Last week I went way over, so I feel like at least I'm not that far over. But I really wanted to keep these at bite-sized pieces and it's so hard to keep something like this at a bite-sized piece. But you guys get help if you need. You know if you're dealing with any kind of suicidal thoughts.

Speaker 1: 9:21

If you want to know more about shame, I write a lot about shame on my blogs, wwweleanorbrowncounselingcom. Take the shame quiz, find out whether or not that's something you deal with. There are other things that people are going through that can kind of keep them in anxiety or depression cycles. It's not just shame. Shame is something that I have dealt with and so I know it very intimately and that's why I talk a lot about it. So thanks for watching and y'all have a great rest of your week weekend and have a wonderful week upcoming. Thank you for watching us. Harmony. Say goodbye to everybody, bye-bye. We created a free shame quiz to help you get some clarity, to find out if you're struggling. So just head on over to EleanorBrownCounselingcom. Slash shame-quiz-freebie. Don't worry, I know it's a mouthful, the link is in the show notes. Thank you for watching us. We really appreciate you being here. If you enjoyed the episode, like, subscribe, share with a friend and join us next time. Thank you, bye-bye.