A Better Way to Heal: Where Faith Meets Therapy
Co-hosted by Licensed Professional Counselor and author Eleanor L. Brown and Isamary Nieves Banks, A Better Way to Heal dives into the transformative connection between faith and therapy. Inspired by Elly’s book, A Better Way: Integrating Faith and Psychology to Heal Inner Wounds, this podcast goes beyond the pages to explore how emotional healing and spiritual growth go hand in hand.
Elly and Isa offer honest conversations that dispel the myth that faith and therapy are incompatible. Through real-life stories, biblical insights, and practical guidance, they help listeners navigate healing from inner wounds, build resilience, and deepen their relationship with Christ. Whether you’re healing from trauma, seeking personal growth, or looking for faith-based tools, this podcast provides support and encouragement for your journey.
Start your path to healing with a signed copy of A Better Way: Integrating Faith and Psychology to Heal Inner Wounds orA Better Way: The Companion Guide – Your 8-Week Path to Healing. They work well individually, but for full impact, get them both.
Visit www.eleanorbrowncounseling.com.
A Better Way to Heal: Where Faith Meets Therapy
Toxic Shame in Marriage: How to Build Trust and Intimacy
Three small steps to reduce shame in your marriage and grow trust, empathy, and real connection.
Shame whispers I am not good enough and it can quietly damage even healthy marriages. In this Shame Free Sunday short from A Better Way to Heal, Elly and Harmony unpack how shame blocks trust, fuels defensive talk, and feeds unworthy beliefs that lead to self sabotage. You will learn three simple practices you can start today. Share feelings in small, safe steps to build trust. Practice active listening so you hear to understand rather than to react. Affirm worth together by naming your strengths and the strengths you see in your partner. These baby steps interrupt the shame cycle and make space for real intimacy. If you are wondering whether shame is shaping your relationship, take the free Shame Quiz on my site. Like, subscribe, and share this with a friend who needs encouragement today.
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The second thing is practice active listening Instead of being so defensive when conflicts arise. Really listen without interrupting. You know, don't listen to react or respond. Listen to understand. You know, reflect back what you hear. It can help you feel understood and it can help your partner feel understood. And the third thing is really affirm your self-worth together. Make it a habit to appreciate your strengths and your partner feel understood. And the third thing is really affirm your self-worth together. Make it a habit to appreciate your strengths and your partner's strengths, and that you do that with one another.
Speaker 1:Welcome to Shame-Free Sunday. A short from A Better Way to Heal. Let's get started. Hello everybody. Hi, my name is Eleanor Brown, most people call me Ellie, and I have with me Harmony and Harmony. And I want to welcome you back to Shame-Free Sunday.
Speaker 1:And today is actually my anniversary, you guys. So my husband and I have been married for 23 years. So a shout out to my wonderful husband and thank you for allowing me to take a few minutes out of my day to take care of this. But you know, I thought it would be really fitting today to talk about marriages and how toxic shame can impact that closest relationships that we have, especially marriages. So if you're not sure what shame is, shame is that feeling that says maybe I'm not good enough or maybe there's something wrong with me, maybe I'm wrong. If you're not sure if you deal with shame, or if this sounds familiar and you want to see if you're dealing with toxic shame, you can go out to my website. I will drop the link after and you can download my quiz and find out if you struggle with that. So Harmony is here with me today and Harmony is going to help me share with you a little bit about how toxic shame can show up in our relationships.
Speaker 1:Toxic shame can show up in our relationships. So Harmony says, yeah, you know, I don't really do this whole thing very well, but anyway. So here's Harmony. Happy anniversary, ellie. So how does toxic shame show up in marriages? Well, harmony, thank you for that wonderful question. So I want to say that toxic shame can show up in marriages and it really can help. It erodes a person's ability to be, to have trust in their partner and to have intimacy, because they often become afraid to open up, afraid that if they show what's on the inside, maybe I'll chase my partner away. So when we're carrying that type of shame.
Speaker 1:We often worry that we're going to be rejected or judged, so we hide that part of ourselves. That sounds really tough and I bet it also affects how we talk to each other, right? Well, absolutely, harmony, it does affect how we talk to each other. It can make us defensive. It can lead us to having misunderstanding and arguments Instead of listening, we react. Understanding and arguments Instead of listening, we react, we want to protect ourselves. So that puts us both in conflict mode. Often our partner doesn't even know why we're being so defensive. Hey, I just said, did you take out the trash? And you know we might react like our heads on fire. Oh, and then it probably makes us feel unworthy too, like we don't deserve the love our partner gives. Oh, absolutely, harmony, it really does. That's the third way.
Speaker 1:Shame hurts our relationships. When we feel unworthy, we might self-sabotage or even push that person, that thing that we love, away, thinking we don't deserve it. And I'll reject my partner before I get rejected. Oh, oh, I wonder if I've done that. Okay, oh, sorry, sorry. I'm trying to do the hide the face thing because we often do that when we're dealing with shame. All right, I'm going to find a better way to do that, harmony, sorry. So what can we do about it?
Speaker 1:Well, there's a few things that we can do. No-transcript. Start fostering vulnerability by sharing your feelings. You know, if it's too, if it feels too big to share everything all at once and often it can be, it can be a little overwhelming share small bits and pieces and really kind of let your partner in. It might be, it might feel uncomfortable, but your partner is going to appreciate the fact that you are able to open up and it's going to help you build trust. If it doesn't feel safe, say I don't really feel safe yet. And if you're in a loving partnership, the two of you can work through building that trust so that you can get to that place of being able to share.
Speaker 1:The second thing is practice active listening Instead of being so defensive when conflicts arise. Really listen without interrupting. You know, don't listen to react or respond. Listen to understand, you know. Reflect back what you hear. It can help you feel understood and it can help your partner feel understood. And the third thing is really affirm your self-worth together. Make it a habit to appreciate your strengths and your partner's strengths, and that you do that with one another, so really contributing. It really contributes to helping break that negative cycle. So, yeah, so Harmony says. I love that. So it's about being open, listening carefully and building each other up right. Absolutely, that's exactly what it's about, harmony. Overcoming toxic shame takes practice, but these very small steps can help make a big difference.
Speaker 1:Now I want to thank you for joining us today on this Shame-Free Sunday. I think I'm going to hit it right at seven minutes today. So, yay, my husband will appreciate that. I really appreciate you taking the time to watch this, whether you're watching the replay or you're watching it with us here. I really appreciate it and I want to thank you for watching. Again.
Speaker 1:If you're not sure if you deal with toxic shame or if you're struggling with shame at all, feel free to go to my website. I'll put the link in the. The link is in my, my what do you call that thing? The bio. Yeah, yeah, sorry, I'm, I'm getting there with the social media anyway. So my link is in the bio and I will also put it in the comments.
Speaker 1:And I talk a lot about shame because I have overcome, and so have you right, right, harmony, I really have. That's why I'm shame no more, because I was shame, and now I'm not. Harmony has really practiced some of these things, these tips that I'm sharing with you. So please feel free. If you find a tip that you're like, wow, I really know how to use that, drop us a comment and we'll try to respond as quickly as we can. Or if you've tried one of these and you, oh, I can think of a time when I was really vulnerable and it helped me feel more connected to my partner, or I was able to reflect and listen to my partner, share that. It helps people see that they're not alone, because y'all, a lot of times we don't know that we're alone.
Speaker 1:So I want to thank you for watching Again. I really appreciate it. We hit eight minutes. Wow, I can just start talking right when I talk off the cuff, all right. So Harmony says I will see you next week when we'll talk about something related to shame. Don't really know what it'll be, but it'll be something and we're going to talk about the thing that comes up. You know, I often find out what we're going to talk about a few minutes before we start talking, but that's the way it is, because there's so many different things about shame that we could talk about. Thank you all for watching. Until next time, all right, Bye-bye, bye-bye. Thank you for watching us. We really appreciate you being here. If you enjoyed the episode like, subscribe, share with a friend and join us next time. Thank you, bye, bye.
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