Before we end, I want to just share a little bit of encouragement. I want you to know that shadows mean that there's light nearby. If you're in the middle of a struggle, it doesn't mean that you're broken beyond repair. It means you're in need of care. Psalms 23 reminds us: even though I walk in the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me. God is present even in the shadowy places. Hope isn't the absence of struggle, it's the reminder that healing is possible. One intentional step at a time. One baby step at a time. Baby steps. You're not alone.

Yeah, you're not alone.

Light is closer than you think. So today, in honor of Mental Illness Awareness Week. Welcome to Shame Free Sunday, a short from A Better Way to Heal. Let's get started. Hello, everybody. I'm Ellie and I am here with Harmony, my shame free bear. Harmony says, Hey friends, it's me, Harmony. Can I ask you something? Have you ever felt like you're carrying depression, anxiety, or grief in the shadows where no one else can see? Well, we are talking about this this week because this is mental illness awareness week. And I we really want to pause and recognize that mental health is something that we don't talk about very much. It is de it is stigmatized. So we really want to destigmatize mental health illness. And it can, it's so much more common and pervasive than what we what we know because a lot of times we hide in the shadows, and it's like we're afraid of letting anyone know because what will they think about me if they know? So we really want to understand, we want to pause during this uh time and just start to understand what does that mental health illness, what does that look like? Um, and it can be different for everyone. What we call shadows, I also call this shards, uh, they can look different uh for anyone. Shards are just like inner wounds, shadows is just a space that I'm hiding. Um and for people that are struggling with mental health, they it can be sometimes it can look like just a persistent sadness that I just can't get rid of. I just everything feels heavy, feels unshakable. I might feel stuck, um, I might be stuck in a cycle of anxious thoughts or worry, concern. Nothing, I it's like I can't unwind and relax. Um, I'm constantly going, going, going. I really struggle with this one a lot. I can look over and see someone not working. It's like, well, what's wrong with you? I'm working all the time, and that's not healthy because we need to rest. Um, God worked six days and then he rested on the Sabbath, and we need that rest, but we don't take it. So that's just some of the things that can be responses to past trauma. It could just be some kind of anxiety or depression that's uh seeping in, and sometimes we just need help to overcome those things. And they're they're not signs that you're weak, they're signs that you're struggling with something that's human, and it just means you need help. Shame, I talk a lot about shame. Anybody that's ever with me for more than I don't know, 30 minutes have probably heard me talk about shame. And that's we talk about shame a lot, shame for short. Uh but one of the things that shame tells us, shame says I'm broken, I'm unlovable, no one could ever love me if they knew the real me. It tells us that we're broken, that um we have to hide. A lot of things when I think about this, do I have to hide it? There could be a shame aspect connected to uh mental health illness for you or for anyone. Um so when I think about this, um I really kind of want to normalize that there are not everyone is safe. So when I think about, am I hiding because these people aren't safe and I don't know how they'll react, or am I hiding because I'm ashamed of what I'm going through, and that can be just a quick, easy trying to determine whether or not the thing that you're hiding from others is maybe related to shame. Um we can also deal with I talked about depression, we can also deal with anxiety, we deal with grief, these things, these are normal. Anxiety is important. If we weren't anxious, we would not study for that test that we need to take, or we would not study for um, I mean, just I say study, and I don't know why I say study all the time because I'm not a teacher, although you know, as a counselor sometimes I do teach. Um but anxiety keeps me from crossing the road when vehicles are coming because I don't want to um I don't want to get injured by uh moving vehicles, so anxiety has its place. Grief. Grief signals that I lost someone that I love. It's normal to feel these emotions when they go to the extreme, preventing us from uh living normal. I say normal, normal's not necessarily, when it keeps us from living healthy uh lifestyles, when we when we can't go out uh with and be with friends or be with loved ones because we're uh we're locked locked up, we're trying to hide ourselves, that's when things start getting what we call maladaptive, but it's that's when it starts becoming a problem because these things are normal, and we want to normalize uh that we do feel these feelings, and it is it's part of life's ups and downs. We have these natural ebbs and flows. It's when we get stuck in a spot, that's a problem. And I've talked to my clients a lot about the nervous system, and sometimes our nervous system can get stuck in this fight or flight, or even this dorsal state of completely frozen or um collapsed, and that's when when we're stuck in these spots, that's when the that's when it becomes unhealthy, and that's when we want to start seeking help. And harmony says, Well, how would how would somebody seek help? Doesn't that mean that I'm I'm weak and I'm broken if I seek help? Well, no harmony, it it doesn't mean that you're weak or you're broken, it means that you're actually taking steps to overcome. A lot of times we don't, because we're not aware that we're stuck, a lot of times, we don't even seek help. But once we get an awareness that maybe it's not everybody around me that has the problem, maybe I'm the one that's struggling, maybe it's me, maybe I have an issue. If um if every broken relationship is because X, Y, and Z did something to you, maybe you're the common denominator, maybe you're not because bad things happen to good people, and I'm not saying that at all. But look at your life and see are there traits about you that could use some help in healing? And that's what a mental health provider, a counselor, a therapist, a coach, you know, these type of people can come along beside of you. A coach is more the help you with life, you know, just guidance. Uh, a therapist or counselor can really kind of help get in there and root out the the source of the problems and help you rewire your nervous system, negative beliefs, those kind of things. Um, I want to pause and say that one in five adults in the US are experiencing some kind of mental illness each year. That means if you're in a room with four people, chances are one of you is struggling right now. And uh faith reminds us that we're not alone in those struggles. One of my favorite examples, biblical examples of struggle is Elijah. Elijah had done great things, he went out and uh and defeated the prophets of Baal. He didn't defeat them, God did. But he was part of this, you know, can't think about being at a conference and you just go out of there on a high. Imagine being the one that's leading the conference and seeing hundreds of people saved, and then somebody says something bad about you on social media or something like that, because that's basically what happened to Elijah. Jezebel says, Oh, strike me dead if he's not dead by the end of this day. And he's like, Uh-oh, I'm exhausted, I'm feeling hopeless, no one is protecting me, and so he runs away. And God didn't come and say, Why are you struggling? He came and fed him, and uh you know, brought him water and food, and said rest, and then did it again, and through a process brought him to healing. David poured out his heart in the Psalms, and through a process he received healing, and he's known as a man after God's own heart. So there's definitely struggle in the faith community. Uh, being a person of faith that does not protect you from life struggles. I believe there's a scripture that says something along the lines of in this world, and I believe these were red letter words, in this world you will have trouble. So Jesus is telling us that we will have trouble in this world. And I think a lot of times, um we think, especially in the Christian world, uh, I don't want to make it sound sound like I'm you know beating up on the Christians, right? Right, Harmony, we don't want to do that. No, we're not beating up on them alone. Uh, we're not beating up on anyone, that's not the intention. But we sometimes think that the fall only impacted the physical body. But y'all, if we had a broken arm, we would want it to be healed. We would go to a doctor and allow it to get set so that we can use it properly again. I mean, I had frozen shoulder. I spent eight months in physical therapy because I wanted to be able to raise my arm again. I mean, that's powerful. Will I have struggles there? Yes, but it's so much better than it was, and it wouldn't have gotten there without therapy. If I would have just stood on the sidelines waiting on God to heal me when he kept sending things my way, sometimes that happens. We just uh we just ignore it. So we have to start moving toward healing. Sometimes that's picking up a phone call and calling a friend. Sometimes that's looking on psychology today, it's a wonderful resource to find a therapist in your area near you. So find someone, don't stay stuck, don't stay stuck. Um let's see what else do we want to talk about? Let's talk a little bit about uh pathway toward healing. So I like healing. Do you like healing? Yes, I like to be healed. So the first step is you have to develop an awareness. Pay attention. Pay attention. Yeah, understand what your triggers are, what are your patterns? Yeah, it's about naming what's happening. It's not just about complaining constantly, but writing things down. You know, I'm feeling a little anxious right now, huh? And just being curious about it, not beating myself up, just being curious about it, and naming it out loud can reduce its power. Then we want to take some small steps, baby steps. Pause, take a breath. That can have a healing power, just pausing. It allows your lungs to fully breathe. Um someone recently introduced me to blowing bubbles with a very soft blow. Um, they named it some fancy name. I'll see if I can remember what it is, but basically bubble in or something like that. I don't know. But blowing bubbles is another small thing that you can do to help regulate your nervous system in the moment so that um you can learn what a regulated nervous system is and feel safe. And when it's when we're feeling safe that we can actually connect with others, and that's where growth happens. Practice something, one of my favorite things to do is uh be creative, and I never thought I was creative until I really started leaning into pottery, and that was the thing that I use to be creative. Other people, I have a uh my daughter is creative through crochet. Some people are creative through problem solving, we're all different, and we we connect that differently. Some people are creative with the word uh scripture and not like creative in like taking liberties, but I mean creative in the way that they are able to bring the truth of scripture to the light of people. Of course, we always have to take that and weigh that against the scripture, so always making sure of that. Um, but you know, that's another step. Taking these, you know, first you begin to notice, take small steps, regulating your nervous system, whatever you know that takes. Maybe it's picking up a phone call or picking up uh the phone and making a call to a trusted friend, practicing some faith and creativity, prayer, scripture, uh, reading your Bible, create doing creative outlets such as pottery or even connecting through music, whatever brings you hope and healing. And then maybe the next step might be reaching out for professional support. So sometimes that can be a very brave step, right? Harmony, yeah, that's what I did. So the next thing I, you know, before we end, I want to just share a little bit of encouragement. I want you to know that uh shadows mean that there's light nearby. If you're in the middle of a struggle, it doesn't mean that you're broken beyond repair, it means you're in need of care. Psalms 23 reminds us: even though I walk in the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me. God is present even in the shadowy places. Hope isn't the absence of struggle, it's the reminder that healing is possible. One intentional step at a time, one baby step at a time. Baby steps. You're not alone.

Yeah, you're not alone. Light is closer than you think.

So today, in honor of mental illness awareness week, remember that awareness helps us name, naming takes the power away. I tell people all the time you have to name it to tame it, you have to feel it to heal it. So it's a it's a process. So going through the process. Now I haven't talked a lot about my resources, uh, but I do have a lot of resources on my website. The one that people connect to me the most is through my shame resources. I have a shame quiz that help can help you understand whether or not shame is something that you struggle with. Yeah, I took it and at one time I scored the highest possible, but now but now I score pretty low because I like myself now. Yeah, yeah. I also scored pretty high when I first took it. Yeah. But again, now I I score much lower. I and the the in the shame resource, the shame quiz that I have, there's 12 questions. And they're just a simple one through five. How often do I do this? Sometimes it's never, sometimes the answer is never, sometimes it's always. So going through there, answering those 12 questions, and then there's a a scale to help you understand where you are, how on how severe of an impact or non-impact that shame has on your life. And just recognizing okay, maybe I'm really not struggling with shame, maybe it's something else, or maybe I really am, and it gives us a tidbit, you know, a little bit of uh some little therapy tips that you can take with you, and some faith tips that you can take with you. So I want you to remember there's no shame in the shadows, healing is possible, and hope is real. Thank you for that, Harmony. I really appreciate you taking the time, watching, listening. Uh, I don't know if watching is a real word, but you know. Oh, I don't know if you can see her, but Mia Bella decided to make an entrance. She's flittering around back there, and she doesn't like it when I bring Harmony in here because, well, Harmony's a stuffed animal, and she would really like to play with Harmony, so we have to keep those two separate. We'll see if that actually makes the uh makes the video or not. But I appreciate you watching. I uh if you like what you hear or watching, whichever, uh like, subscribe, share with a friend, tell us, comment, do all the things so that we can keep giving you this content. Um we this, we I say we, me, Harmony, Issa, who's my co-host on the on the podcast. We just do these shame free shorts because Issa is so extremely busy with all the things that she does. I I I am too. This is just easier for me to do this in between sessions or to at the end of the day or at the beginning of the day, just easier to come come to come on here and just share a few thoughts so that uh we can keep moving toward healing. That's the whole purpose. The whole purpose is you know trying to help people get free from some of the things that they're going through. So I've probably talked way too much today. I don't know, you decide. Uh I hope you're still listening. And um did we just say that? I hope you're still listening. Oh thank you for watching. Alright, bye bye. Thank you for watching us. We really appreciate you being here. If you enjoyed the episode, like, subscribe, share with a friend, and join us next time. Thank you. Bye bye.