And if I can allow God to shape my life and define who I am, that helps me to really overcome some of those shame spirals. Even when I I get in these holiday seasons or stressful seasons, because not it's not just a holiday season that can be stressful, it's other seasons in our life that can be very stressful. Loss of a loss of a job, loss of a family member, those kind of things can be very, very triggering and cause us to fall into these old patterns. But you know, these these things, they might be a collapse and they might be something that we need a restart, but they're not a failure. It doesn't mean I didn't overcome this at one point. It just means that I need to reset and refocus my mind. And I find when I focus more on who God is and who he's called me to be, the issues of shame are less. Hello everybody, and welcome to A Better Way to Heal, where faith meets therapy. I want to talk to you about self-care during the holidays and what pottery has taught me about protecting my peace and what creative practices could do for you. Because I want you to know the holidays can be super stressful. I don't know about you, but family drama, not only family drama, but also missing someone in the holidays that isn't there, that used to be there. You know, there's all kinds of different things that can cause the holidays to be stressful. Too many expectations, wanting everything to be absolutely perfect. I mean, I'm out in the pottery studio. You might be able to tell. I'll do a little panoram. I am in my pottery studio, and this is my Zen place. That is my wheel. Right now, I'm obviously not throwing. Today I'm actually um I'm actually doing none of my family wash this. Should I say that? I don't know if I should say that or not, but here I am saying it. But I am glazing pots that are what we call bisque fired. And so today I am really just out here kind of uh I want to pause here and say, I didn't even introduce myself. I just assumed you knew who I am. My name is Eleanor Brown, licensed professional counselor in the state of Texas and Florida. Most people call me Ellie, and that's what most people on the podcast refer to me as, and I will answer to Ellie or Eleanor, either one. So a quick disclaimer, if you will, I am a licensed professional counselor and trauma therapist, faith-based therapist, all the things, right? However, I'm not yours. Uh the things that I say here are just opinions, things that I've learned through my years of therapy and my years of being on this earth as a person. So stay tuned and catch the rest of the episode because I forgot to say who I was and I needed to add this little blurb in there. So thanks for hanging in there with me.

And now back to your regularly scheduled program.

Just I had some thoughts and I just wanted to share them. So I'm gonna see if I can set this up right. If you don't know, pottery is the thing that keeps me centered. And it's not necessarily the thing that keeps everybody centered, but it is what keeps me centered. And this isn't about pottery therapy or anything like that. This is just simply about what this trauma therapist does to uh promote self-care and really pouring into my creative energy is a way that I can leave it at the wheel. I've had clients say, um I don't want to leave all my stress with you and things like that, but that's literally what I do. I mean, that's literally what I do. So I pour it onto the wheel or into creative practices like glazing and things like that. This is what I do to help me overcome the issues that we sometimes find in the holiday season or even just as a therapist, right? There's a lot of things that can be contributing to stress. So one of those things is unrealistic expectations. I am out here, uh, y'all don't show anybody, but I'm out here glazing a bunch of gifts that I have made for my family. And this is a a way of me being able to share my love for pottery, but I could let it kind of overwhelm me by, oh my gosh, I have to give everybody something. And I've done that before. But one thing I've even when I get overwhelmed, when I get out here and I start working and really start pouring myself into these things, it really helps to decrease my cortisol levels and it really helps me to become less stressed because I can really focus and be mindful in the moment. So that's one of the things, being mindful in the moment, that's one of the things that we can do to really kind of promote peace in our life. I want to tell you some things that Pottery has taught me about really centering and grounding and being mindful, being able to do that. One of the things is the process of putting something on the wheel. And I'm gonna show you a picture, probably drop it in here. I don't know if I know how to do that, but we'll figure it out. But of me centering clay, one thing that you really have to do is you have to be present and you have to bring that clay into the center of the wheel, or it'll get off balance. And when it gets off balance, I have a really bad piece out here. I probably do, but I'll I'll drop one in and show you what something looks like when it's off balance and when it's off kilter. And that when that happens, that shows us that we weren't maybe not necessarily fully connected, not fully centered. And that happens in life. When I'm not fully centered, not fully connected to my source. For me, my source is faith, and so that's something that also helps me stay centered. So when I am centered and in the middle of the wheel being shaped, I tend to do better than when I'm not. And the holidays can definitely create times where I can feel off kilter. And uh, you know, in scripture, there's a one of my favorite verses is Isaiah 26, 3. You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, kind of focused on God. And the thing about I love about scri uh scripture, I do love scripture, but the thing I love about pottery is that my mind has to be really focused on what I'm doing. And so it's very steadfast, focused on what I'm doing. And there's that's that mindful piece of when I'm really focused on whatever the practice is, that's what consumes me. And if that consumes me and it's a regulating practice, then it helps regulate my nervous system. And if it's not a regulating practice, if let's say I'm ruminating about some family drama, or he said she said, or too many expectations. Oh my God, what if I don't get Billy Bob? That's an inside joke for the family. They'll know it if they're watching. But what if I don't get Billy Bob just the right present? So we can feel when we're when we're ruminating on things like that, we can feel a little bit wobbly. Life is off-kilter, and that causes those stress hormones to increase. It causes us to get into that fight or flight, and it really bleeds over into how we interact with others and how we take care of ourselves or don't take care of ourselves. Sometimes we kind of hold our breath and what can't wait for uh December the 26th to get here, right? Um, my birthday is right around the corner, and I am uh pottery is what fuels me, but I could be so consumed with the holidays that my birthday could come and go, and I don't even realize it, but I'm enjoying my birthday this year. So I say all that to say I wanted to give you some some things I want you to pay attention to. These might things that might help you, these are things that might help you know if you're off-center or off-kilter a little bit this this year. You know, snapping at small things. I mean, somebody says, Can I have some milk with that? And you go, get your own milk. Maybe you're snapping a little bit, maybe you've got too much on your plate. I hope there's not a glare on this. I'm really loving the sunlight from outside, so I hope it's okay. Another thing is feeling overwhelmed. When things are going off kilter for me, that's one of my go-to's. I will feel overwhelmed. One of my things that I do a lot, which is a shame spiral. We fall into these cycles of shame, or we strive to make everything perfect. And if things aren't perfect, we beat ourselves up. Well, I'm not enough. All of these things lead to the next thing, which is the nervous system overload, and that's where we go into shutdown. Okay, I'm paralyzed. I am, I'm going to just, you know, drop out of existence. And I've done that a time or two, and may have done that even this year. I don't know. But some things that can really help is doing breath prayers. You know, you can breathe in, meditating on the word of God, just kind of breathing in his peace and breathing out the anxiety or overwhelm or depression or anything that may be maybe impacting you in the moment. Another thing that you can do is really kind of feel your feet on the ground. I know it sounds so silly, but just notice what it feels like. Just pay attention to every little sensation. But that is so grounding because it brings you into the present. One of the other things I really like to do is name what you feel. That's so important to name what you feel. I feel anxious, I feel depressed, I feel pressured to get Billy Bob that perfect gift if my brothers are watching. Okay, creative grounding, hands in clay for me is very, very centering. That's a way of connecting to the earth. And but there are other things, cooking, writing, organizing, something very simple. For some people, it something creative could be connecting with uh why does that escape my brain when I want to think of something creative? Does that ever does that ever happen to y'all? Do y'all ever have something just completely escape your mind? But there are so many things. For some people it's sewings, for some people it's uh quilting, or for some people it might be painting or crocheting or all different kinds of things, piano playing or singing, but all of these things can be creative practices. Problem solving is a creative practice. I have took people tell me I'm more math-minded, I'm not creative at all. Well, how did you get to uh three plus four equals seven or why one plus six equals seven? That was an odd number, wasn't it? Anyway, but problem solving is very creative. I really want to think about these things, leaning into your creative side. These are ways of overcoming shame during the holidays because a collapsing pot can can really leave you going through these shame spirals. That's kind of one of the things I mentioned before, one of the ways to know that we're overwhelmed, not taking care of ourselves during the uh during I had a a pot one time just completely collapsed. I was so completely not focused on what I was doing, and I was just pulling, not centered, all of these things, and it just collapsed. And I worked really hard on that thing, and it just collapsed in my hands. If I can find the picture, I I don't know if I took a picture of that one, but you know, I it led me to believing I am not doing enough if I if I were paying more attention or I should be, you know, if I had enough faith, if I should be happier, I have everything. And sometimes having everything can also lead into those feelings of anxiety or depression. We may look at other people and say, everybody else has it all together. Why can't I get it together? There's so many different things that can lead in, you know, that we can understand or tie to that that shame spiral thinking. The uh the thing that that we really want to look at is, I mean, are these things, are they telling us truth or are they talking about the emotions that we're feeling at the time? Really naming that because if I can name that emotion, if I can name that, okay, this is this is a record that's kind of stuck and it's playing that same pattern over and over again. And that happens in the holidays, it happens in high stress times, but things like that. So we'll fall default back to old patterns and we'll get stuck. That record player just playing. Some of y'all might not know what a record is. I'm sorry, but that's a well, I think records are coming back a little bit, but shame definitely will uh is that old record for me, and it will play right there on that one spot, and it will cause me to want to hide or to overperform to prov to prove that I'm good enough. And I don't know about y'all, but I'm sure that there are some of y'all that that happens to, you know. Um, so I like to think of myself, and this is one of the reasons. I don't know if it's one of the reasons why I really like clay, but it certainly does help that clay is in the Bible, right? And Isaiah 64 talks about we are the clay and God, God is the potter. And if I can allow God to shape my life and define who I am, that helps me to really overcome some of those shame spirals. Even when I I get in these holiday seasons or stressful seasons, because not it's not just a holiday season that can be stressful, it's other seasons in our life that can be very stressful. A loss of a loss of a job, loss of a family member, those kind of things can be very, very triggering and cause us to fall into these old patterns. But, you know, these these things, they might be a collapse and they might be something that we need a restart, but they're not a failure. It doesn't mean I didn't overcome this at one point. It just means that I need to reset and refocus my mind. And I find when I focus more on who God is and who he's called me to be, the issues of shame are less. And that doesn't mean I don't still have to work some things out. That doesn't mean I don't still have to have a conversation to myself, with myself, to myself. I don't know. You figure it out. Y'all, sometimes I shouldn't be allowed to do these things by myself, but I left harmony in the house. And um uh Issa and I will be together on the next one. But uh, you know, sometimes we've got our schedules just cross, and I really wanted to be in the pottery studio for this one, so here we go. I wanted to share my love of pottery. Y'all are probably sick of hearing it, but I like sharing it, so um, I guess you're here for a reason, right? Um, okay, back to the the topic at hand, how pottery, what pottery teaches me about finding center and um walking through periods of high stress, especially during the holidays. Creative expression, this is so important to understand. Creative expression interrupts shame and soothes the nervous system. It helps to reduce cortisol levels and it helps to regulate your nervous system. It's the act of being mindful. I mean, it's really the act of being mindful and being creative. If we think about Maslow's hierarchy of needs, when we look at self-actualization and how Maslow breaks it down into creativity as one of the pillars of self-actualization, that's the very pillar of regulating my nervous system, is finding a way to be creative. Sometimes we have to get creative with our finances. Man, I've been there a few times, and maybe that means Billy Bob doesn't get the best Christmas present that he wants in this world. But the chances are Billy Bob will be just happy if he just has his parents that love him, right? So there are many different other ways of leaning into this creativeness, you know, painting, decorating, journaling, doodling, these kind of things. But just know that whatever you do that is creative, do it with understanding your why and do it with your heart. You know, if you're a logic mind person, maybe doing a seduco puzzle. I used to love doing seduco puzzles. Now I would rather be out in the studio. I'm not gonna lie, but I still love seduco. So I was always that logic mind person, saw things very black and white, but life isn't. There's all kinds of shades of gray. I had to learn that. Man, sometimes the hard way. But being creative and things like that, it really brings you back into your body. It helps you to be mindful, to stop ruminating. It slows the perfectionism, especially. I mean, for me, especially when I'm doing pottery, because and even the few times I've drawn, although I try not to do that too much or paint it, I should say, not drawn. I it feels like sometimes it's a hot mess, but when it's done, it's something beautiful. And it reminds us that messy and imperfect can still be beautiful. And I I have uh many pieces that I thought was like, nope, nope, that one's not gonna make it. And someone else looked at it and said, Wow, I love that. That's just the right thing for me. I have this one uh black and white. I don't know if I even have a picture of it anymore, but this black and white bowl that I thought it was the ugliest thing in the world. But I put it out there because my husband says it's so well built, even though the glaze didn't go the way exactly I wanted it to. Put it out there and somebody came and saw it and says, Man, this is beautiful. I love this, how much? And literally walked away with it. And that was so that was so beneficial to me because it helped me see that. I mean, that's real life, it's uh real life feedback, you know, that feedback that we need sometimes, probably not saying that the right way, but I hope you get the meaning. But that was immediate feedback that I needed in the moment. That's the words I was looking for. So emotional regulation is so important, and being mindful, being creative can certainly help with those things. The next thing that pottery really helped me see is um really understanding how the uh kiln and the pressure can help you stand up to life's stressors. And let me tell you what I mean by that. So in the kiln, uh things are baked, I mean, they're taken at such a high extreme temperature. If any of you are potters, you know. I mean, we're talking 1900 degrees Fahrenheit or more, depending on what cone level you're taking it to. But one of the things it does is it helps bake out the impurities in the clay. And it what happens when something goes into the kiln, it's bone dry and it is super brittle. And if you think about it, life's life's challenges can sometimes leave us feeling really super raw, right? But the heat in the kiln bakes out all the impurities and it causes the uh the clay to bind together in a form that is it's not unbreakable, but it's gonna withstand a whole lot. So that's that way with life. The kiln, kind of the pressures that we've been through, can they can, if we I mean, we can go into a pity party and stay there, right? Or we can find the tools to work through it so that we can be stronger, like a piece of pottery, like a piece of discware that is much, much more sturdy. And this is this is gonna withstand a whole lot more than bone-dry clay. There's so many, um, there's so many lessons that pottery teaches us. So it helps me see where my boundaries are, where I need rest, where I need support, and it can help me see where I need compassion for myself, compassion for others. So trials can refine us, but they don't define us. So remember that during the holidays. Stress is always gonna be with us. Things will go up, things will go down, and that's okay. Life is gonna keep lifeing, people are still gonna be messy, and that's okay. We can let it define us, or we can get, we can get, we can allow the pressure to create resilience so that we can be anchored in our faith, we can be anchored in who we are and whose we are. We don't have to let the past define us, we don't have to let current stressors define us. We go through seasons. This year has been a really trying season for me personally, and you know what? It doesn't define who I am. There are times that I still struggle, I still look in the mirror sometimes and say, what the hell? And that's okay. I name it, I reach out to my supports that I know that are there for me always. I come to the pottery studio and I work it out. And of course, I start the day with prayer, you know, and really connecting with who I am and whose I am. And that has a way of making things at the end of the day better. Are they perfect? No, absolutely not. Y'all, if y'all are looking for perfect, this life is gonna give you a lot of trials, a lot of trials. So I want you to know that life is gonna laugh, people are mythy. I know I just said that right. That must mean it's true, but you know, you've got this. And I did not mention this, but uh one of the things I talk about a lot is shame, and shame can really define us, and I didn't realize how much shame defined me until I had words to name it. And when we have words to name it, we can we do so much better. So if you're wondering if shame is part of your story, I wrote a shame quiz. It is absolutely free. I just want people to know is it part of your story? And if so, how much is it impacting you? There are paths to healing, you don't have to walk this alone. There is a better way to heal. There literally is. I wrote a book all about it, and I believe every word in the book. And not only do I believe it, I've lived it. Y'all, I put my story in there because my story uh it's not anything special. Y'all have the same kind of story out there, and they're all around us. But I just want you to know that there is hope, there is healing at the end of the day, and whether it's during the holidays or during any other stressful time in your life, I want you to know that there is a better way and there is a brighter path. And you know, if you found this helpful, the ramblings of a trauma therapist in Texas and Florida for you know, so I'm online. So uh, but if you thought uh found this helpful, yeah, I really want to invite you to share this uh share this podcast, uh you know, comment, do all the things, like, share, subscribe, I don't know. But I really, really, really honestly, if this impacts one person, I'm happy and uh it's done what it needed to do. And y'all literally I see a bird right outside my window. And one of the things I love about being out in the pottery studio is I can just see so much nature around me and it's so beautiful. Anyway, so as I was wrapping up, y'all thanks for watching. Seriously, thanks for watching. All right, bye bye. Thank you for watching us. We really appreciate you being here. If you enjoyed the episode, like, subscribe, share with a friend, and join us next time. Thank you. Bye bye.