Evicting Shame And EMDR

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One of the things I've been doing with my clients this year is this thing called evicting shame. And it's a an EMDR protocol. EMDR is just a type of therapy. And it helps the brain reprocess stuck places. And what I'm seeing is that shame holds this large space when we start writing all of the things down that shame is saying to uh people, it takes up an entire page. And when it comes time to how do what do we replace that with, it's kind of like, I don't know. I've never really thought about that. And so we really want to uh find a way to fit shame. We want to target shame-based identities, and we we don't want to fix a memory, want we want to change the belief that you carry about yourself because of the memory.

Solo Host Sets The Stage

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Hello everybody, and welcome to a better way to heal, where faith meets therapy. Hello everybody. I am going to attempt to do this on my own today. So we shall see. No harmony, no issa, just you and I. So why did I want to get on here and talk to you today? And I will tell you why I wanted to get on here and talk to you today.

Intentions Over Resolutions

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I wanted to really talk about the new year. As we move into the new year, many of us feel uh the pull to start something fresh. You know, I talk a lot about shame. Shame whispers to us, old lies about who we are. Today, I wanted to talk to you about letting go of that shame as your identity and stepping into the new year with truth, grace, and a renewed sense of who God says you are. Shame doesn't get to have the final say about your story. One of the things that I talk about often is shame says something is fundamentally wrong with me. It impacts our very identity, keeps us stuck, it keeps us afraid to dream, afraid to grow, and afraid to move forward. Now, imagine being in this space of afraid to even dream forward, and then you're walking into the new year, and you start with New Year's resolutions. How many of y'all make them? I've made them in the past. I don't make them anymore. Listen to our next two podcasts and you'll find out a little bit about why. But I really like to start the new year with intentions and a plan. But it's hard to do that when I'm walking in with this, there's something wrong with me that as my sense of identity. Now, I want to pause here and invite you.

Take The Shame Quiz

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If you don't know if shame has been showing up in your life, I want to invite you to a free resource that I have on my website called the Shame Quiz. It helps you identify where shame is showing up in your life. If I can identify it, I can work toward healing. It's hard to know when I'm not even aware of where it's showing up in my life. So go out, grab the shame quiz, get on my newsletter, keep up with our events. We're always adding new things and stay connected so that we can continue this conversation. All right. Now back to your regular scheduled program.

Jesus And No Condemnation

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When we think about shame, I want you to know that Jesus never spoke shame over anyone. Shame is the identity wound that disconnects us from God, others, and ourselves. Moving into the new year often triggers old self-judgments. But if we think about Jesus said to the woman, neither do I condemn you. When all the people brought the woman that was caught in the act of adultery to Jesus, for him to condemn her, he says, Let the first throw the stone, and none of them condemned her. And Jesus says, Neither do I condemn you. And Jesus says that about us, neither do I condemn you. So when we think about that, Jesus told her to go and sin no more. And that was a moment where he removed that shame story from her so that she could walk into a new chapter of her life. And I believe he can do that for us. Shame attacks our identity, but healing restores it. And shame can be loud, shame can be really loud. We believe these negative core beliefs, such as I'm not enough, I'm too damaged, I'm unlovable, I'm the problem. These aren't just thoughts. They feel true because they've been repeated over and over again. We might not say the words, but our actions say them loud and clear. I'm sorry, excuse me, I must have been in your way. Little things show us that we're thinking

How Shame Shapes Identity

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of ourselves as the problem. Now it doesn't exclude, you know, being polite if you accidentally bump someone or something like that. But sometimes we can go to the extreme of beating ourselves up because we feel like it shouldn't even breathe the same air as other people. Shame changes how we approach relationships, how we approach friendships, how we even pray. If I'm afraid that God won't hear my prayers, because after all, you know, someone, someone else could pray it better. I've said that so many times. Well, why would God want to hear my prayers? God wants to hear from me. God loves me, and He has that shame identity from me. I, my flesh, has to walk that out. So moving into the new year, we want to remove those old identity lies that that is created by that shame cycle. So we really want to let go of shame this year so that when we walk into the new year, there's nothing special about January 1, honestly, other than it's just a sense of, okay, I get to start again. So start again with removing that lie that shame says that you're bad. Start again with reminding yourself

Prayer, Belonging, And Voice

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of what the word says about you. Jesus restored identity. He says uh in Luke 848, daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace. So he restores, he's an identity restorer. So we really want to listen to what Jesus says about us, what the word says about us, rather than the lies that Satan will repeat. And they sound like our voice, right? And when it sounds like our voice, it sounds true, but that's not what the word says about us. Jesus speaks belonging before he speaks healing. One of the things I've been doing with my clients this year is this thing called evicting shame. And it's a an EMDR protocol. EMDR is just a type of therapy, and it helps the brain reprocess stuck places. And what I'm seeing is that shame holds this large space when we start writing all of the

EMDR To Shift Core Beliefs

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things down that shame is saying to uh people, it takes up an entire page. And when it comes time to how do what do we replace that with, it's kind of like, I don't know. I've never really thought about that. And so we really want to uh find a way to fit shame. We want to target shame-based identities, and we we don't want to fix a memory, want we want to change the belief that you carry about yourself because of the memory. So these shame-based identities are based on memories, based on beliefs. So we want to change the belief that you carry about yourself because of the memory. And that's what we do with the evicting shame protocol. Some of the examples that clients come up with that are very shame-based beliefs is I'm broken, I'm unworthy, I'm bad, I can't trust myself. These are some of the things what EMDR does is it helps the brain let go of that emotional charge and it separates who you are from what you experienced. Shame can, you know, I experience this bad thing, therefore I must be bad, especially when we're talking about childhood traumas. Children don't have the cognitive ability to state that something bad happened to me. So if something bad happens, they think then that they are bad. And they start to wear that identity for so long that it carries over into adulthood. And when it carries over into adulthood, it keeps us stuck in these beliefs. And what we really want to do with EMDR is we want to help those beliefs. We don't, like I said, we don't change the memory, we change the belief. It allows us, when we do this, it allows us the space to adopt new identity statements.

Adopting New Identity Statements

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And some examples of positive identity statements are I am worthy of love and respect, I am safe now, I am valued by God, I am becoming who I was created to be, I am enough. We had a women's conference one year, and it was simply enough. And when we think about it, I am enough. That's just such a powerful identity statement. So when we walk into 2026 or whatever year you're listening to this, without shame as your name tag, it you can really allow you space to propel you further. Shame fuels anxiety, depression, people pleasing, self-sabotage, but healing shame literally changes the nervous system. When shame decreases, emotional regulation increases. Emotional regulation is that ability to be okay. I'm okay in my skin. Things can happen, and I'm okay. I can regulate, I can calm my nervous system. Identity work makes room for goals, for growth, for relationships, and spiritual renewal. We can't step into a new season when we're holding on to an old label. Matthew 11, 28, Jesus says, Come to me, all who are weary, and I will give you rest. Shame, exhaust, makes us weary, makes the soul weary. And Jesus restores

Rest, Regulation, And Renewal

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rest. So I really, I really wanted to end this year with reminding us that we need rest and that Jesus gives us that. You are allowed to lay down the old identity. You don't have to keep carrying it. A lot of times, what am I without this? Lay it down and find out. What do you have to lose? The new year isn't about resolutions, it's about stepping into the truest version of who God created you to be. Identity statements you can read aloud can be ways to help you a little bit. Shame is not my identity. My past is not my name. I am not childhood trauma. I am not childhood sexual abuse. I am not the child, uh, an alcoholic parent. I am loved, I am growing, I am stepping into a new season with truth. God invites us to release those lies and pick up grace, belonging, and hope. If shame has been the loudest voice in your life, this is your reminder that it doesn't get to define your new year. I want that to really sink in. You are loved, you are valuable, and you are invited into this new season filled with peace and truth. Before I close today, I want you to go out, grab the shame

Declarations For A New Season

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quiz just so that you can identify where you are and so that you kind of have a roadmap of where you can where you can go. You'll get to be on the newsletter and find out what we're doing throughout the year. This year we're doing uh we're planning a few fun, few fun activities. We're gonna do a couple of workshops this year, potentially four. And we're also going to do, we're hoping to do a live event in February, but jump on the uh the newsletter and just stay connected to us so you can find out what we're doing. If you've enjoyed this episode, like, subscribe, share with a friend, save it for a time when you really, really, really need it, and comment, let us know how we can help help you and your healing journey. All right. Thanks for watching. Bye bye. Thank you for watching us. We really appreciate you being here. If you enjoyed the episode, like, subscribe, share with a friend, and join us next time. Thank you. Bye bye.