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So in counseling, a lot of times we start with the end in mind. So when you think about the uh the year-end reflection, did if you started with the year in mind, did you meet that? Did you kind of did you hit your your goals, your the things that you wanted, your earmarks, if you will, um or did you find yourself falling short? And that's okay. Either way is fine. It's it is 100% fine.

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Hello, everybody, and welcome to A Better Way to Heal, where faith meets therapy.

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Hello, everybody. I'm Ellie and I'm Issa. And you are watching A Better Way to Heal. And we're happy you're here. We absolutely are. Before we get started today, we really want to tell you about something that uh will help you as you start reflecting on your new year. So, what Ellie is talking about is the Shane quiz. Have you taken it lately? Has anything been sneaking up on you? It's a great opportunity to go ahead and try it out. It really is. It only takes a few minutes and it gives you a starting point for understanding how Shane is showing up in your life. Yeah, if you're looking now at the end of the year or the beginning of the year, and you're trying to get clarity on where you're headed, it's a great starting tool. It really is. So breathe. And now it's time to jump into our uh conversation. Okay, let's do it. Okay. So today we are talking about year-end reflections and how they can help settle yourself, you know, your mind, your body, all of those things before we really start looking at the beginning of the year. Yes, it's like taking inventory, personal inventory of where you've been and what you need to stop at by the new year. Yeah, absolutely. I want to take uh some time as I do my year-end reflection, take some time and be still before the Lord. Yeah. It's very interesting. So five ways to reflect. You can do look back with grace and not crusher. Absolutely. How many times have we do we beat ourselves up for not getting things as far along as we would we would like to? Yeah. But we really want to take time to celebrate this moment. So we want to look back and not just meditate on the things that went wrong. We want to think about all those moments that went right. Yeah. How did you grow so emotionally over the year? Yeah. Yeah. Moments that stretched you, we really want to look at those. What habits or inner winds surfaced throughout the year? So relationships. How did we handle our relationships? If you had gains in relationships, improvements in your relationships, what things made it better and what things you could improve on next year? Yeah, absolutely. Really want to uh look in areas. I know we've done a few episodes on relationships because they're so important. Where have you shifted a boundary? Uh, where have you um noticed that you were really exhausted having a friendship that maybe feels more tiring? Could be a season, it could be a lifetime. You know, maybe it's time to uh shift to a different friendship, or maybe it's time to reflect on how you showed up. Yep, correct. So when you review those things that drained you and that seemed more difficult than other seasons, take stock of that. Do some journaling, soak it in. Um, not all discomfort is meant to be avoided, or actually nothing should this year has been so. And it's really leaning into moments where I'm able to really surrender myself and be open to God's plan because sometimes I really want to fight it.

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Yeah.

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Um something to really think about is what supported your nervous system and what spiked it. I've talked a lot about the nervous system this year, uh, but uh we can be in fight or flight, we can be in freeze or falling, and we don't even realize it. And as we start to become more aware of what our nervous system, it's like our nervous system is telling us there's something off. And it could be our perceiver, and so we want to reflect, and it could be that we're in a situation that our nervous system deems is unsafe. Yes. So what things do you want to leave behind this year as well? As we're moving forward and taking in these tools and these lessons learned, what things do we need to drop and never pick up again? Absolutely. You know, one of the things that um I I've really been working hard on, and as we look at the the things that the Shame quiz teaches us and learning about Shane and understanding our old shame stories, that's really something that I'm working on, you know, really helping even clients to leave that story behind. You know, yes, my past told me I wasn't good enough. Yes, my past told me someone else could do it better. However, this is the ground uh in the Bible it talks about um that we've been given dominion. And I don't think we we understand really what that even means. But when we have dominion over a territory, we're to take authority over that. And yes, somebody else could do what they do better than you, but that's because they're doing what they do, not what we're supposed to do. But this past week I was meditating on it, and one of the things that God gave me was thankfulness, of course, but thankfulness with a purpose, like intentional thankfulness to see all the things that I do have and shift my focus from what is lacking to what is available, and then really see all the things that I can actually do with what I have. It turns out to be exhausting, actually, to look at everything you do have. That list is a lot longer than it is, but it goes back to your dominion and authority over what you can control, and it attracts more things that are positive. It's just the way it works. Absolutely. You know, something else that it can be helpful to leave behind is performance-driven expectations. Okay, performance-driven expectations is another one of those things that we can really work on leaving behind, and we can leave it behind because uh performance-driven uh expectations. I I think about that as performance-driven self-esteem. I'm only good if I work hard enough. We can never be good enough because there'll always be something better that we can do. As a one on the Enneagram, I make things better. And you give I I have a hard time starting it, but once it's done, I can make it better. And then I can make it even better, and then I can make it even better. The problem is, is that there's always something else I could do to make it better. You know, it's that perfectionism. Yeah. And I think if you start from a place of identity, me, my identity is rooted in Christ. And even though grace isn't permission to be sloppy and not do my best, right, in life, it doesn't mean that. It just means that if I'm not there, I'm not perfect, it doesn't mean I have to quit or stop. There's always something to build on, and it's not a deficiency in me that there's always something to build on. It's designed so that I could be dependent on the one who created me and that I can continue to grow and improve and go from glory to glory. Yeah, yeah. There's a saying I I like to say it's but done is better than perfect. That way you can rest because we don't rest well enough, especially Americans. We are constantly doing people. Yes, and then it comes to overcommitting and trying to people police and hustling and grinding and considering not being in perpetual laziness, which is not true. But I also wanted to add, we do this, but we also tend to put that pressure on other people. I always like to see it from not only admitting, but am I pressuring other people? Am I able to hear a no and not be offended? Am I able to let my friend say, today I actually need to rest and not take it personal? Am I able to give her grace because I know she has a job, I know she has counseling, I know. So if I asked her if you do something with me, am I able to give her that extension of place to rest? Because we talk a lot about us resting, but are we giving other people that's when we know that we're really walking toward a place of healing when we're able to do that? When we're able to take someone's no as not a reflection on who we are, correct. It's a need that they have. Yes, yes. So working toward meeting our own needs and allowing other people to meet theirs. Correct. It's so important. Uh a funny story. Recently we were going to get together for uh a podcast, and I was I I had had a really rough day. And the old me would have really pushed past that. And I did not. I texted you and I said, I'm just not gonna be able, you know. I just I could push past it, but I just don't I just don't feel it. And um and you were so gracious and did not well, Ellie, we had this time schedule and it really allowed me to take that time to rest. Yeah. And then we can come together and present something that comes from a rested place. It's always going to be better. Sometimes our desire to please other people, or honestly, it's okay to want to meet your appointments and your deadlines. It's not saying that that's a habitual thing that you want to do, right? But we also want to be honest and vulnerable. And if we're not living those things out, other people don't think that they have space to do it as well. Absolutely. Absolutely. Hey friends, pause. We wanted to remind you about a couple of resources that might support you while you're working through today's episode. Yes, some of these conversations can get very heavy. And if you want to take stock of what we're speaking and how it's affecting you, feel free to take the Shane quiz on Ellie's website. And if you're wanting tools to move forward, especially as you think about the new year, grab the A Better Way guide. It walks you through the Better Framework step by step. Both are free, simple to read through and follow up, and a great foundation for wherever you are right now. All right, back to the episode. Yes. So one of the things that I look at when we look at the year-in re reflection and really kind of what are some of the things that that we reflect on over the year. And for me, really leaning into that, at the beginning of the year, I always tie scripture to any kind of word that I feel like God has given me. And when I look at that, I think of the areas where maybe I can see really fulfilled on so when I think of the word and when I think of the reflection and the scripture, do the things that I've done throughout the year, do they lean toward this? Or did I somewhere along the way lose that? And it's okay if I did. I just give myself grace. But I can see areas where I have surrendered and I have allowed God to have his way. So when we did this last year, or at the beginning of the year, I didn't have quite a word. It was more like a sentiment. I felt like God was just a testing season, a season of just observe. And it was a combination of observe, surrender, be still. But I feel entering into 2026, I'm getting a clear picture of surrender and stillness. And I think that will be my 2026 word, being surrender. And surrender has a lot of layers. In particular, to me, is I cannot control every situation. So a lot of my trauma-based reaction is control, controlling people's moods around me, controlling finances at home, controlling everything in order to just not not have it fall apart or be taken or whatever the case may be. And honestly, control is an illusion. So when we surrender to the Lord to the fact that I am taking care of myself, I am being a good steward of XYZ, and that's all I can handle right now. Everything should fall into place. Um and we could talk longer about that, but we're not. Uh yes. So as we really start kind of thinking about the year-end reflection, one of the things that I did last year is I just took a few minutes and tried to answer some of those questions. The the where are things gone well? Where of self, where are the engaging times where I've really engaged? Where are the times that I've really feel like I've rested and write those down. Hopefully we've been doing some of that throughout the year. Yes, it's good to get into that habit. I have notes here and there, but as you are speaking, I'm thinking about doing an inventory. Those who have businesses, or even just think of your grocery list, you know. It's usually more efficient when you're keeping track of what's missing. But right when you're gonna go to the grocery store, you give it another glance and you're like, you don't want to overbuy something that you don't need. And you it's the same thing for our lives. We have to where where have I where has the year brought me and where do I want to be at the end of next year? And what things do I have to adjust in order to meet that goal? Yeah. So in counseling, a lot of times we start with the end in mind. So when you think about the uh year-and reflection, did if you started with year in mind, did you meet that? Did you kind of your your goals, the things that you wanted, your earmarks, if you will, or did you find yourself falling short? And that's okay. Either way is fine. It's it is 100% fine. But one of the things that I like to think about is taking that time. For me, I take a week off at the end of the year, and I use that to close up 2025 so that when I go into 2026, I'm not carrying that with me. And I think that's so important. Take the lessons that you've learned, but you don't have to carry it with you, especially those things that we deem as our failures. Yeah. And I think when you're doing inventory, what is failure, right? Um, I think you should give grace that you're extending to others, hopefully extending to others, and really break down what those failures are, not with the intent of condemnation or shame, but with empowerment, with dominion. I was like, yeah, own the mistakes, the real mistakes. And mistakes are mistakes that you make, not that other people made and you took responsibility for. So that's another one. Absolutely. But be accountable and be like, okay, could I have helped that? And if I could have, how can I do it next year? Because honestly, I think we could it it could be very deep, but I'll just grace over it. Sometimes people are going through illnesses, whether they're physical or mental. And they fall short in certain things that they had designed to do, but you have to acknowledge, did you actually have control over that moment? Absolutely. And if you didn't, then again, you did the best that you could within what you had, you did not fail. Now, if you've are being made to feel that way, maybe your inventory has to be stalking. Who are you surrounded by? Are you surrounded by people that are holding you accountable and not themselves accountable? Or are you surrounded by people that can support where you are in the season that you're in? Absolutely, absolutely. So it's so important, the people that we have uh that we have around us, the the community. Uh, you know, you don't have to have everything figured out. But if you can just show up, show up and uh, you know, show up with your faith of who you are, leaning to that space of thriving, that space of that whole person and looking at the whole part of me. And that's another thing that we want to uh at the 11th hour I'm throwing in. But there's uh seven dimensions of wellness that we talk about in uh in therapy a lot. Looking at all those dimensions and finding out where where do I feel like I am right now can really help us as we reflect on the year that we just came as we're ending. And you can use this at the end of any season. You can use this at the end of a quarter to see I want my next quarter to start stronger. Yeah. So I think this is this is a good place to stop for today. Next time we're gonna talk about um vision casting. I'm so sorry. I was like, I had it at the tip of my tongue, but vision I was just really taking inventory and stock of the episode that I totally forgot that I had to cast into the future. All right, friends, thank you for hanging out with us today. And we hope this gave you a gentle way to look back. Yes, absolutely. Remember that reflection isn't about perfection and that you should do everything with grace towards yourself and those around you. If something stood out to you today, a moment, a theme, a takeaway, share it with us. We love to hear what connects with you. Yes, please comment and join us next week where we'll be discussing vision casting. Yes. And thank you for being here. Now take a breath, take your time, and we'll see you in part two.

SPEAKER_00: 18:12

Thank you for watching us. We really appreciate you being here. If you enjoyed the episode, like, subscribe, share with a friend, and join us next time. Thank you. Bye bye.